He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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