The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
