i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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