No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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