I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
