I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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