he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
