rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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