you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
