I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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