Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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