Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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