Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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