I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
