She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
