take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
