The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
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Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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