i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
