the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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