I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
