Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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