I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
