He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
