It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
