Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
