I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
