I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize