Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
