My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
