what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
