wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
