I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
