I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
