So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
