Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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