obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
