she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
