I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
