yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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