I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
