i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
