I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
