I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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