I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
