He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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