naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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