So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
