so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
