Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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