Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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