I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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