I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
