Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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