WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dicks are not precious.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
