So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
