I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Panties = found
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
