dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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