I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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