My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
