rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
