I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
