i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She told me I should be a condom model.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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