Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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