I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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